Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, November 23
Happy Thanksgiving Day in the US

Today I have to go to Calgary for injections into my
eyeballs. That means nothing will be sent out for Friday,
Saturday and  Sunday.

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Rodriguez caught trying to steal 
two trains from Phoenix rail yard
the day he was released from jail.
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, November 23 in
1889 The first jukebox made its debut in San Francisco, 
at the Palais Royale Saloon. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern. --- Lord Acton 1881 Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. --- Anthony Burgess (1917 - 1993) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A pretty girl asked the male clerk at a fabric counter, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Why, only one kiss per yard, " he replied with a smirk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards. With anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old lady standing behind her. "Grandma will pay the bill, "she smiled. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked. "Yeah, my mom has one," the other replied. "What's it for?" "It's a cussing machine," the second boy answered. "Every time she stands on it she starts cussing." _____________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ >From Liz For years my husband denied he was an aggressive driver. That changed one day when we were out for a ride with our three-year-old, Matthew. Seeing a teaching opportunity, I began quizzing Matthew about traffic lights. "What does a red light mean?" I asked. "Stop." "How about green?" "Go." "And yellow?" In his best impression of Daddy, Matthew bellowed, "HANG OHN!!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Julio Rodriguez, 20, Phoenix, Arizona Rodriguez caught trying to steal two trains from Phoenix rail yard the day he was released from jail A man caught in the engineer's seat of a locomotive nearly pushed enough buttons and pulled enough levers to steal the train. The Union Pacific Railroad Police report that on November 8, employees heard a train horn blowing excessively and went to investigate. There they found 20-year-old Julio Rodriguez in the engineer's seat. Rodriguez, who was released from jail that morning, allegedly admitted that he entered the railyard with the intention of stealing a locomotive. He reportedly told police that he climbed in and began moving levers and pushing buttons while reading the operation instructions found inside. After Rodriguez was removed from the train, employees inspected it and saw that Rodriguez had released the brake levers and put the engine in reverse. They say all he needed to do was engage the gear and apply the throttle and the engine would move. The $500,000 locomotive was attached to another engine at the time. Rodriguez has been charged with burglary and two counts of theft of a means of transportation. The report does not state what the bonehead planned to do with the locomotives. You can't really take them downtown and sell them, but leaving them in the path of a high speed train would be deadly. He is back in jail for good. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Valerie Re: Mail Settings Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Now. I found outlook, but got stuck on this part MY server is POP3 IMAP HTTP which one do I highlight? outgoing mail (SMTP) server what goes in that box? Valerie Dear Valerie Your mail server type is POP3 and thename of your POP3 server is your domain name. SMTP: There you put whatever your dial-up or DSL or cable ISP tells you. It could be for example smtp.telus.net or smtp.telusplanet.net. Just look on the site of your ISP or call their support and ask what to use for the name of the SMTP server. They are very familiar with that question and won't play stupid. Have FUN! DearWebby

>From Edna You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're drunk.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Bert for this story: Never Argue with a Woman One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?") "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her. "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading." "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment" she said. "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Windows with a Mop By Shirley Sackman [1 Post, 5 Comments] I figured this out years ago because I am short and we have lots of windows that need to be washed using a step ladder. Buy an inexpensive liquid dishwasher detergent (for a dishwasher) that has a "sheeting action" in the soap. Fill a bucket with warm water and stir in 1 cup of dishwashing detergent (for a dishwasher). Go outside and set up your garden hose for rinsing the windows. First rinse the window with clear water. Then using a sponge mop on a handle dipped into the detergent, wash your window. Follow with a clean water rinse and let dry. The sheeting action of the detergent will leave the windows streak free. By Shirley Sackman from Vicksburg, MI Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Myrna for this report: I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. __________________________________________________
Medieval Ring Found In Real-Life Sherwood Forest Could Be Worth A Fortune!
What are the three fastest means of communication? 1) Internet 2) Telephone 3) Tellawoman! ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, November 23, in 
1889 The first jukebox made its debut in San Francisco, at
the Palais Royale Saloon. 

1903 Enrico Caruso made his American debut at the
Metropolitan Opera House in New York in "Rigoletto." 

1959 The musical "Fiorello!" opened on Broadway. 

1964 The Rolling Stones show up late for the BBC radio
shows, "Top Gear" and "Saturday Club" and are banned by the
BBC. 

1970 George Harrison's "My Sweet Lord" was released in the
U.S. 

1972 The musical "Pippin" opened at the Imperial Theater on
Broadway. 

1974 Gary Wright quit the group Spooky Tooth to go solo. 

1976 Police arrested Jerry Lee Lewis outside the gates of
Graceland after he showed up for the second time that night
and made a scene by shouting, waving a pistol and demanding
to see Elvis Presley. 

1979 Marianne Faithful was arrested at Oslo Airport in
Norway for possession of marijuana. 

1984 The Metallica single "Creeping Death" was released. 

1990 MTV banned Madonna's "Justify My Love" video. 

1998 Donald Bohana, 61, was sentenced to 15 years to life in
prison for the drowning death of Delores "DeeDee" Jackson,
the ex-wife of Tito Jackson.

2017  smiled.
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